Healing after divorce is one of the hardest stages for a woman especially when she has kids and must take care of them as a single mother. It’s been years for me now and I still remember how it felt as if it was yesterday. So here I share a brief story to show you why I’m talking about this.
I always knew this marriage wouldn’t work yet I tried. When I had my second daughter, the level of this situation reached the max. I decided that it’s best for me and my kids to have a divorce as things will never work out for us.
As a result of all the frustration and depression, I ended up having my 1st seizure. It was frightening and a nightmare. When I visited a neurosurgeon, he was blunt honest:
“You are totally fine Athba! In fact, all the tests and MRI’s show that your brain and neurons are 100% healthy and we can’t find epilepsy core. I know for sure it was caused by sadness or sleeping upset.”
He was right. 100 RIGHT! I cried because I felt I was choking with words that I couldn’t speak loudly. I was 23 years old with epilepsy symptoms and nothing to heal. I knew I come first, and my kids need me, so I needed to make a change in my life that would heal me from the inside than the outside.
And I did!
I went through the divorce procedures and god knows how frustrating and painful it was. People around me were divided into two groups.
Group 1: kept asking: “Isn’t there something to do and fix things? How can you live without a man in your life? Be patient and he’ll grow up better”
Group 2: Told me a lot “Don’t stress out it’s not worth it. Why are you down. It’s not a big deal. That’s your choice you must be responsible for your choices. Stop causing drama.”
Both groups never knew and until this day they’ll never know.
This post for the ones who have gone through divorce without friendly perspectives, if that makes sense.
- 1 Healing after divorce needs to figure the reasons first
- 2 Is he abusing your kids mentally?
- 3 Conclusion
- 4 Now it’s your turn, what difficulties did you face and how did you heal them?
Healing after divorce needs to figure the reasons first
Have you ever been in love with him?
Most women feel that they can’t stand life after a while because she’s never been in love with him.
Some can manage coping and others can’t.
If there isn’t love, then the mind speaks louder, which is good and bad.
Good that you don’t be rational, and bad cause you can’t let the flows pass.
If you felt that you can’t go on anymore then divorce is a choice many chose before.
Is he cheating on you?
Do you even believe that he won’t do it again if he did it the first time? I’m here to shake your shoulder and wake you up. You deserve more and if he did it once he’ll do it many times more.
This man doesn’t deserve you around him.
Does he insult you/ belittle you?
Nothing worse than a man insulting a woman in any way. There is no reason for you to choke in sorrow because of words you don’t deserve.
If he treats you like nothing, then leave him cause HE IS nothing.
Respect is the least you deserve. If he’s not gonna tell you something nice, then silence is a virtue.
Is he a bad impact on your kids?
Let’s brainstorm the answers to these questions:
How do you want your kids to grow up?
Do you want them to be like him?
Is he a good model to be followed?
What habits did your kids start to acquire because of him?
You are a great woman and I KNOW you’ll raise your kids way much better.
Is he a burden over your financial life?
This point might be tricky.
If the man without a job and he’s trying to give you a decent life, then that’s a different issue.
But if he’s sitting there with asking for too much without giving anything in return, AND NOT EVEN TRYING, then being alone is better for you and your kids.
Are you the one doing both roles?
Being married to someone means sharing life “In sickness and health” remember?
If you are doing both duties for a mother and a father, then you don’t need him in your life.
There’s a fine line between “helping him in life” and “fully depending on you with advantages”
Is he abusing your kids mentally?
Being a father doesn’t always mean being a good father.
Your kids deserve to have the best life and I know you can provide it.
But if he’s one of those fathers who:
Remind the kids about their failures.
Talking about you or your family badly.
Telling your kid” one day you’ll grow up just like …..” someone with a negative attitude.
Telling them that they are liars or thieves or belittle them to give an excuse for kids abusing them.
Then this toxic SHOULDN’T BE AROUND.
And as a conclusion for this, let’s talk about how to go through the healing from divorce.
How can you go through the healing after divorce?
First thing first, you must realize that nothing will happen unless you decide to take the first step and I BELIEVE IN YOU so believe in yourself too.
Healing after divorce goals and plans
New life New me
Going through a divorce will change your life and that’s where you need to change yourself and be a different person.
You don’t have to change completely or be mean just because he was, but you change your weak points to be stronger and happier.
I know how you feel, and I feel you too, but what’s painful needs to be thrown behind and step forward with pride
Love me to be loved
How do you expect others to love you when you don’t love yourself?
You have PLENTY of awesome parts, but you are blinded with negativity and a life that cause you pain.
Write down everything you love in a woman in general and find in your things that can beat them.
For example: “I love the model size body but guess what!! I eat what I want with control, my curves fill any clothes and I rock the overweight sexy style”
Go try it out!
The only voice is my inner positivity
Don’t listen to people and what they say, you got both of my hands to block your ears, think positively and let this voice dominate you.
They say: you need a man to complete your other half.
You say: I’ve never been a half, I’m a whole on my own. A man either be a beautiful addition or not at all.
They say: Be patient and he’ll get better.
You say: I’m more precious to waste my time, my days, my precious life on someone who doesn’t have the time to fix himself for me.
They say: All men are alike!
You say: Not even your fingers are alike and if he wasn’t good for me then I don’t need him.
Ohh! yeah girl High five and keep ongoing
The belief of the healing after divorce reflection on you and your kids
Everything affects our life in different ways.
And being a mother divorce will affect you and the kids.
If you remember what we talked about earlier, you will know how happy your kids will be without him.
And seeing your kids growing happy because of you will pour the happiness in your heart too.
Yet there are many ways for healing after divorce that I personally tested and many others did. The results are magical, check them out.
Best tested healing after divorce treatments
You can check my blog post about types of food that makes you happy.
Yet, eating healthier in general somehow makes you better and happier. It fixes your mood extremely.
Locking yourself in won’t get you anywhere! It will add up to your lack of confidence and makes you feel that you are unwanted by others.
Meet new people, go to clubs, meet old friends, family members.
Invite them to a tea party and enjoy your time.
Go jogging early in the morning wearing your gorgeous smile and say hi to neighbors, pat someone’s dog or pet a cat on your way back.
Don’t be afraid to change, be afraid of not to step out of your cave.
There are many physical activities that can boost your mood and happiness.
Yoga, jogging, dancing.
Swimming, kickboxing, walking the dog.
Indoor camping with the kids, outdoor camping with friends and family.
Shake that body and move around.
Picking up an old hobby
I remember that I used to draw and paint before I married. I stopped sadly and I wish I never did.
Now I picked up my drawing and painting again and I know you got something you can pick up to entertain you.
Maybe teach your kids your hobby or even start a small business with this hobby.
Learning something new
Learn a new language or new talent.
A new type of dancing?
Crochet or knitting?
Recycle and reuse?
Anything that can entertain you.
Trackers and new habits
Set goals and crush them with trackers or calendars or spreadsheets.
Pick up new habits that can entertain or benefit you.
Set up goals and crush them.
Use posters with positive quotes and stick them around the house, next to your bed, on the fridge … etc.
and check out these 20 Small Changes to Make for a Happier 2020
Going through a divorce is indeed painful but healing from divorce is easier than we think.
Believe in yourself and you will do great things.
It all comes from the inside so do it as no one expected you to do.
Please yourself and fill yourself with happiness.
Live for yourself and your kids.
And remember you are gorgeous and deserve the best.